I Want to be Perfect

I want to be perfect. I do. This last week of school has been somewhat stressful, as I try to find that balance of how much I can handle and how to manage my time. So I have also been wondering why I want to do everything that I do (and already don't). I have this idea in my head of the sort of person that I want to be and somehow have to fill that role. I want to make lots of art, that all works, making several pieces that get shown, even giving advice to others along the way. I want to be a good tennis player (who can actually hit the ball!), winning all of my matches, and encouraging my teammates. I want to impress my professors, getting nearly perfect grades on all of my tests. I want to be the girl that knows everybody, who attends all of the events, and knows what's up around campus. I want to participate in as many bible studies and groups that I can, even becoming a leader. I want to help to end abortion, as an activist leader and by volunteering for the crisis pregnancy center. I want to be able to run far, be healthy, and play other sports. I want to be a friend and family member that is encouraging, understanding, and funny. I want to know the latest news, and be active in the cyber world. I want to learn to dance...

Anything wrong with this picture? It's not my goals, it's me. “I want, I want” What does God want in my life? It is not all about what I want. Am I willing to surrender my goals and desires to him? Am I willing to let God to take over my life? What if I fail? Am I a loser if I can't meet up to my standards?What am I holding most dear? If I am trying to stand on my own two feet, rely on myself, and be perfect, I will fail. I CAN'T be perfect. And it's a depressing thought. I can't do it at all. I have been relying on the goodness of God's grace to get me through each day, but it is dawning on me that that includes surrendering the idea that I can be someone of merit-that I can somehow earn brownie points. My righteousness is like dirty rags! I am not anything- but in God's eyes I am a treasure. Just that way, not because of anything I can do, but because I am God's child and he chose me. So when I speak a sharp word, lag behind in my sketchbook, or miss that meeting it is ok. Not because it was any less of a sin, but because God's grace is so huge. I need to give up what I can do for what He can do through my weakness.

So I still want all of these things, because they are good, godly desires. But I am willing to give even those up to Him. What do I really want most of all? I want to want what He wants. :)

my artwork